Paraprosdokians . . . . .

I know this may have made the rounds over and over but I haven’t seen it for a while, and wordplay is so much fun.  So here it is:

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.

1.  Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you . . . but it’s still on my list.

3.  Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4.  If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5.  We never really grow up .. we only learn how to act in public.;

6.  War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8.  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.

9.  I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10.  In filling out an application, where it says “In case of emergency, notify . . .,  I answered “a doctor.”

11.  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12.  You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13.  I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

14.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15.  Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16.  You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

17.  I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

My Facebook Flaws . . . . .

I have a Facebook account (is that the right word?) and I post something there about once every three or four months.  It’s not that I have anything against Facebook.  It’s just that I have nothing FOR Facebook.

My biggest flaw as a Facebook contributor is that I don’t have a pet.  I can’t imagine how bored pet owners must be with accounts of my life.  I’m sure they think I may be lonesome, living here in a house all by myself.  Not.  I’m sure they may think I don’t like pets.  Not.  It’s just that I’ve been there, done that, and all my energy these days is going into attempting to fulfill whatever I may have planned to accomplish while I’m here.  A cat can’t really help me with that.  A dog might actually hamper.  And both would be mad at me all the time  for my failure to give them my full attention.  But when I visit you I will pet your pets and coo at their cuteness.  Sincerely.

My next flaw is that I will not mention nor will I discuss politics on Facebook.  Did you ever see it make a difference?   I have quit even reacting to those who do.  There are always going to be at least two ways of looking at current events, current officials, presidents, congress members and wannabees.   Thank heavens.  We have seen what happens in countries where there is only one.  And I have seen that if I express my opinions (and I have them) on facebook I am either 1) preaching to the choir or 2) alienating those in a different choir.  But  nothing changes.  Political arguments seem to bring anger to the surface quickly.  I do not live with anger.  That is one of the reasons I am 89 and healthy.

I guess that about covers it.

To summarize, let me review.  To succeed as a Facebook contributor, please understand these two most popular subjects on Facebook, to wit:

1.  Animals that act like people.

2.. People who act like animals.

A dreamer’s question . . . . . .

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I had a nice nap this afternoon.  I didn’t mean to, because I have never been a napper.  Maybe I fall asleep now and then because I have nothing better to do.  But no.  I always have better things to do.  The truth must be that I fall asleep because I am old and old people fall asleep.  But I’ve noticed something very strange about it, something that has never caught my attention before.

There is a space I pass through on my way to sleep and a space I pass through as I wake . . and they are the same!  So we joke about people who don’t know whether they are coming or going, but this is where I find myself after a nap . . . not knowing whether I’m waking up or about to fall asleep.  It’s a strange question that I can only answer by looking at the clock.  I was listening to the noon news and now it’s 2:30.  I must have been in another world.

So now I’m wondering if, as souls, when we leave this world, do  we perhaps  find ourselves at least for a time in the same space we passed through before.coming to earth and into that sweet little body where we’ll live for a lifetime?

And if so, when I wake, back in that space, will I review my dreams?